Letting You Down, Lifting Me Up

This post is dedicated to my son, who right now is with his friends at an encampment on the grounds of his university peacefully protesting the war in Gaza. His courage inspires me to keep speaking up for what I believe in, no matter the consequences.

AN EARLY SPRING EVENING IN NEW YORK CITY AND BOSTON

A mother sits alone in her apartment in NYC, speaking on the phone to her college-aged son, who is walking down a windy street in Boston.

T

(Panting slightly)

Hey, Mom. How ya doin’? 

HILARY

OK. Did Dad tell you to call like he does when he thinks I’m not doing so well?

T

No, no. I was thinking about you is all.

HILARY

Are you walking somewhere? You’re panting. 

T

Yeah, I’m walking home from class. I just called to say I love you.

HILARY 

That’s very nice of you. But I honestly don’t know why you love me (starts to cry). I feel like I let you down. Like my sole job as a parent is to be responsible for taking care of you and providing for you and now I’ve lost my job and it’s all my fault and I’ve fucked up the only thing that matters.

T

Mom, you didn’t let me down. I’m proud of you for what you did. And anyway, think of all the times I let you down.

HILARY

You’ve never let me down. Not once.

T

Not true. Remember when I bought that World Wrestling Federation book at the Scholastic Book Fair in, like, third grade, and you yelled at me and asked me what the hell was I buying a stupid book like that for? That was the maddest you ever got at me.

HILARY 

Oh, God. I completely forgot about that. What a stupid twat I was. Didn’t I actually threaten to go marching into the school about it? I can’t believe I was such a self-righteous idiot. Although, now that I’ve seen the damage super-charged professional self-righteous idiots can do, the loss of the complete Roddy Roddy Piper ouevre from the book fair seems like small potatoes. Compared to driving someone to the brink of suicide, that is. Anyway, I wasn’t mad at you, I was mad at the school and even that wasn’t justified. I was being a snob. Any book is a good book in if it gets you to read. Even a book endorsed by Jesse Ventura. I’m sorry I yelled at you.

T

It’s OK, Mom. And so is losing your job.

HILARY 

You’re going to have to live in your car.

T

I don’t have a car.

HILARY 

You’re going to have to live in someone else’s car, then.

T

Can’t I just live at home for the summer? I promise to keep my room clean.

HILARY

OK, but then you have to go back to school because we’ve already paid for your first month’s rent, last month’s rent and security deposit, which, by the way, is illegal in New York City, but apparently not in Boston.

T

Yes, you already told me that, Mom. Did I tell you that instead of one decent-sized room I’m getting two very tiny rooms? I’m going to put my bed and clothes in one and my desk and guitars and amps in the other. So I have a dedicated workspace.

HILARY

Maybe you could put everything in one tiny room and sublet the other one. Be sure to ask for first month's, last month's and security. Because apparently that's perfectly legal in Boston.

T

Yes, you already told me that, Mom.

HILARY

Did I tell you I'm sorry I let you down?

T

Yes. Did I tell you you didn't let me down? You are the best mom ever. And I bet that WWF book is a collector's item now and that if I find it when I clean my room like I promised it will cover my whole rent next year less first month's, last month's and security, which is legal in Boston. In case you were wondering.

HILARY

I heard that. Love you.

T

Love you, too.

THE END